Guilt.

I have to admit something to you. I have tremendous guilt; I would describe this feeling of guilt a a combination of pressure that I put on myself and a feeling of failure. I have a lot going on in my personal life. I am helping to build a most awesome community. I am trying desperately to find ...

Spoon

This morning, I woke up to my son snuggling into me. I moved around and, despite my best efforts, roused him from a dream. He looked up at me and he smiled. It was early, the sun not yet commanding the sky, and I told him to go back to sleep. "Can I be your little cub?" he ...

Some days

"Is it whatsday or blursday?" Kenny asks me, not infrequently. Dad jokes abound in quarantine. Some days I roll my eyes and smile at him. Other days I roll my eyes and mean it. Healthy communication abounds in quarantine. On all of my days, I put a tremendous amount of pressure on myself to be a good mom ...

Two hands

Two hands. Sometimes, having two hands feels sufficient. With two hands I can tickle my son until he squeals. With two hands I can give my daughter a relaxing face massage. I can open most jars, clean up most messes, do most TikTok dances. Often, two hands feel like they cannot do enough. They feel futile; laughable; ...

Sometimes, the story just writes itself.

“Mom?” Belle asked, licking the last bit of chocolate icing from the back of her hand. “Mommy? Do you still blog?” We were sitting in the hard, plastic bucket seats in the single terminal at the Cyril E. King Airport in St. Thomas, and she’d just eaten an individual Sarah Lee chocolate cake square, after I veered her ...

never enough

All the shine of a thousand spotlights All the stars we steal from the night sky Will never be enough Never be enough Towers of gold are still too little These hands could hold the world but it'll Never be enough Never be enough For me (- by Pasek and Paul, for "The Greatest Showman") Yesterday, I got to thinking (in therapy) about something really ...

resolute

resolute (adjective): admirably purposeful, determined, and unwavering. *** It is hard to believe that 2018 is coming to an end, and that 2019 is nearly upon us. 2018 was a particularly transformative year in my life, and in the lives of those nearest and dearest to me. In many ways, it was spectacular. Publicly, there were measures of personal growth ...

Healthy

The above photo is a selfie that was snapped last month. The "It's All Good" note on my shirt was a little hopeful, but mostly ironic. This post is a little hopeful but could be triggering. Please be aware and consider this a "trigger warning." *** This is a post that has been in the works for ...

“I need to access your heart.”

"Does that stethoscope really work?" he asked, his blue, marble-like eyes widening. "Of course! I am a real doctor," I said, straightening the lab coat I had gotten made for his Halloween birthday party. I'd had it embroidered with "Meredith Grey M.D. F.A.C.S." to wear along with my scrubs, messy bun, Grey + Sloan Memorial Hospital ID badge, and converse ...

It’s Not Just For Moms

A moment of calm. Not pictured, the gathering storm clouds.  In this piece, originally published via Thrive Global, I am honored to welcome a guest author to this site. I am in awe of his strength; I am moved, deeply, by his words; I am married to him. Here, I treat you to: I am a 36 Year ...