Guilt.

I have to admit something to you. I have tremendous guilt; I would describe this feeling of guilt a a combination of pressure that I put on myself and a feeling of failure. I have a lot going on in my personal life. I am helping to build a most awesome community. I am trying desperately to find ...

never enough

All the shine of a thousand spotlights All the stars we steal from the night sky Will never be enough Never be enough Towers of gold are still too little These hands could hold the world but it'll Never be enough Never be enough For me (- by Pasek and Paul, for "The Greatest Showman") Yesterday, I got to thinking (in therapy) about something really ...

resolute

resolute (adjective): admirably purposeful, determined, and unwavering. *** It is hard to believe that 2018 is coming to an end, and that 2019 is nearly upon us. 2018 was a particularly transformative year in my life, and in the lives of those nearest and dearest to me. In many ways, it was spectacular. Publicly, there were measures of personal growth ...

Healthy

The above photo is a selfie that was snapped last month. The "It's All Good" note on my shirt was a little hopeful, but mostly ironic. This post is a little hopeful but could be triggering. Please be aware and consider this a "trigger warning." *** This is a post that has been in the works for ...

“I need to access your heart.”

"Does that stethoscope really work?" he asked, his blue, marble-like eyes widening. "Of course! I am a real doctor," I said, straightening the lab coat I had gotten made for his Halloween birthday party. I'd had it embroidered with "Meredith Grey M.D. F.A.C.S." to wear along with my scrubs, messy bun, Grey + Sloan Memorial Hospital ID badge, and converse ...

It’s Not Just For Moms

A moment of calm. Not pictured, the gathering storm clouds.  In this piece, originally published via Thrive Global, I am honored to welcome a guest author to this site. I am in awe of his strength; I am moved, deeply, by his words; I am married to him. Here, I treat you to: I am a 36 Year ...

Not enough

The photo above was taken last month at Ludlow House, on the Lower East Side, for my sister's pub day party. It shows a little bit of sparkle. And makeup. And the cool updo. And glitter. Gotta get my glitter back.  *** I couldn’t have scripted this any better. This morning, I woke up and I lingered in ...

Is it dark in heaven?

This morning, after dropping my daughter off for her last day of second grade, my son and I were engaged in one of our typical drive-to-school chats. "Mommy, can you tell me a scary story? How about 'The Haunted Rock' or 'The Broken Elevator in the Toy Store,' can you tell me those scary stories, and make them ...

Motherhood Understood

Hey! It's been a long time, now hasn't it? I've missed you! And, it's been a really long time since we've gone deep. Or talked about boobs. I had the chance to do all of these things, and so much more, when I spoke to Brooke and Jen of Motherhood Understood, a place where guilt can be thrown ...

a squeeze kiss and ice cream trucks.

In August, I told my son about the fact that I'd had severe postpartum depression after he was born. I did not use those words, of course; rather, I told him that "I got a little sad" and he understood it and did not understand it and it was a pretty good balance. In January, my book came out and I ...