“…’cause it will not last forever.”

mommyeverafter — Fri, 13 Jun 2014 23:44:31 +0000

Tonight, my daughter and I did our normal bedtime routine.
I told her two stories (one about today’s camp show, and one about a big dolls from Frozen);
We sang through our repertoire of songs, but this time she insisted upon trading off with each word,
sometimes each syllable,
making
“Yan”-“Kee”-“Doo”-Dle” and the rest of our lineup feel extremely long.
(By the way, I have no idea that song make it into the ritual for my David Bowie and Brett Dennen loving daughter; that was a total husband move. And he doesn’t even know the real words. He ends it with “Yankee Doodle went to town, ’cause he’s a Yankee Doodle Dandy.”)
Anyway,
tonight, we did things as we always do, until it was time for the last portion of our bedtime routine: the snuggling.
We snuggled under the covers a bit, and then, somehow, we ended up with both of our heads under her pillow, faces touching in the dark.
And then I moved back just enough so that I could see her face, and we kept opening and closing our eyes at one another,
making the other laugh,
and the song that popped into my head was Billy Joel’s “This is the Time”. Weird, I know, right?
Possibly even weirder than Yankee Doodle.
(By the way, I remember being in second grade and watching the video montage for the 5th grade musical, “Clowns”, in which my husband played the role of “Roger” {He would not forgive me if I did not include that} and I used to get all choked up watching those big kids waving at the camera, knowing that there was something momentous happening. That time was changing, that life was changing, that the world around them would soon be different, and they would be saying goodbye to what they knew, as they headed off to an unknown future.)
So tonight, as we cuddled under that pillow, I thought about the words to that song.
This is the time to remember
Cause it will not last forever
These are the days
To hold on to
Cause we won’t
Although we’ll want to
They say that in parenting the days are long and the years are short;
They say that life goes by in a blink;
Tonight, I lived up to my daily intention, in that I cherished every moment,
every second with my daughter
under the pillow
in the dark.
This is the time to remember, cause it will not last forever.
These are the days to hold on to.
I am doing the very
very
best
that I can.

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Home.

mommyeverafter — Sun, 30 Mar 2014 22:52:35 +0000

When we started thinking about having a second child, we were warned that two kids does not equal double the work, but instead, 100 times the work. We have not found that to be true. In fact, we don’t even think it is double the work. We feel like the jump from no kids to one kid was much greater than from one to two. I believe that this is in part due to the fact that we waited 3.5 years between kids, and my daughter can do things like let in the dog and go into the fridge for a snack and take herself to the bathroom. It is a juggling act at times, but it works. Despite my struggles, I haven’t felt overwhelmed by having two kids; unless you count feeling overwhelmed with love. And I mean it.
But having two kids does mean tag-teaming. My husband usually does my daughter’s bedtime. It’s a special time they share. He tells her stories; sometimes they are about Star Wars, sometimes about princesses; last night it was My Little Pony. He sings to her a certain repertoire of songs and they snuggle. It is very sweet.
But tonight, as a special treat (really, for all of us) I said I would come in after stories and songs for a snuggle session with my girl.
I crawled into her bed and rested my head on the pillow next to her. And I got that peaceful feeling again, one that has been so hard to find recently. But I got it.
And I asked her if I could sing her a song, because all I could hear in my head was the Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros song “Home”‘s chorus.
Home,
Let me come home,
Home is wherever I’m with you.
“With you I feel home,” I told her.
“With you I feel whole,” she replied.
She is so amazing.
Home is wherever I’m with you.
Even though life has been hard, I am grateful for the little things, like 10 minutes of snuggling with my firstborn, who is growing up so quickly I can hardly catch my breath.
And I’m starting to find my way,
slowly,
arduously,
but I really am starting to head in the direction
towards home.

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“…’cause it will not last forever.”

Home.