Mommy Ever After » Frozen

Letting it go.

mommyeverafter — Thu, 20 Nov 2014 17:43:45 +0000

This was sent to me yesterday by a dear friend. I needed it.

I then sent it to another dear friend. She needed it.

Every day, we all carry things with us; hopes, fears, ideas, identities…

Some of these things lift us up. Some of my labels I wear proudly:

Wife, mother, friend, daughter, grand-daughter, teacher, twin, writer, confidant, sister,

dance partier, loud laugher, decorator, front-woman for a rock band…

Yet there are some layers of myself that I wish to shed.

I will probably always be on the slightly anxious end of the anxiety spectrum.

But I would love to no longer be a sufferer. A worrier. A scaredy-cat.

Those things weigh me down. They are the labels that can make minutes feel like hours, make days feel dark and make my stomach feel like it has a led weight inside of it.

I want to be lighter.

So I am making a conscious effort to take off the things that I no longer wish to wear.

I have written many times over the past year about the shift in my friendships; that through the trauma of postpartum depression and it’s after effects, my friends have become my family. We talk every single day. They humor me when I send out 15 emails about our holiday cookie Pollyanna party, because they know how important it is for me to embrace this holiday season. They are just my people.

Then there are the new friends I have made. They have changed my life. The ones who spent last year sitting on the floor with me, as I opened up about my depression. The ones who have been so selfless. The one whom I’ve followed on the internet for years, and turned out to be even more beautiful and amazing and spectacular in person. The one who understands every one of my faults and loves me because of them, not in spite of them. The one who sees a pair of Fox leggings in the store and buys them for me, because…obviously. These friends have been a gift. I carry them with me, now.

And as far as everyone and everything else,

all the drama and the ghosts and the pain that try to cloud my mind and cause me anxiety, I am trying to let it go.

Like Elsa.

Just letting it go.

I don’t want to carry them with me anymore.

And so I won’t.

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“MOMMY!”

mommyeverafter — Thu, 03 Apr 2014 18:18:44 +0000

my daughter exclaimed, after I picked her up from school, headed out to my favorite store.
“I have a horrible story to tell you,” she continued.
“So many things are making me in a grumpy mood. My brother lied to me. He really DID spit up on my sock. And I went on the blog and they did NOT have an Elsa backpack.”
And then, somehow, the conversation, all 20 minutes of it, turned to my C-Sections, with questions ranging from,
“Do we have zippers?”
to
“Was your therapist there?”
So, it was certainly an interesting car ride. Try explaining a C-Section to an anxiety ridden, sensitive almost four year old who remembers everything.
And in a who is in a
grumpy mood.

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Sometimes.

mommyeverafter — Wed, 12 Mar 2014 22:40:03 +0000

Sometimes, being a mommy gets overwhelming. Sometimes, I have moments of exasperation, like I shared earlier.
But then sometimes, the baby goes to bed extra early,
and my husband and I both get to do bedtime for the biggie,
and I get to tell two bedtime stories: One made up about a place called Alasia, where Queen Elsa, Princess Anna, Princess Leah and Darth Vader all live and one about the night she was born.
And then I get to snuggle up with her, and sing to her this song, almost as a whisper,

The warmth of your love’s like the warmth of the sun…
…now we’re there and we’ve only just begun.
And it’s those times for which I live.

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