What happened was just this…

Last Fall, I made the very personal confession that I struggle with nightmares.

Back then I was experiencing these bad dreams 6 out of 7 nights. I dreaded going to sleep.

But it’s gotten a lot better.

Two nights ago, I had a nightmare, again. And then yesterday I had a really crappy day.

(By the way, it seems that yesterday was a crappy day in general for many, so come on June, show us what you’re made of and buck up!)

After waking up from the bad dream yesterday morning I felt palpable anxiety in my gut. So, I did one of the hardest things that one can do and I asked for help. And it helped.

I know that I have said this countless times, but I will say it again here and now: Ask for help.

Here is where this new outlook of mine comes in.

I am grateful for yesterday.

I mean it.

It was such a lousy day in general

BUT

I had some amazing moments and I want to record them–to remember them–because for them I feel very fortunate.

In the morning, my mom got into bed with me. 6 hours later, I had the chance to get into bed with my daughter.

“Life is hard, sometimes,” she said.

I got to talk with friends. I had funny conversations and received words of support and was able to listen.

My son and I had the cuddliest day. He is really getting under my skin in the best way. He’s delicious.

I got to take a friend to her first spray tan at Shade Sunless and she looks amazing. And this was fantastic for so many reasons because my friend deserves to look amazing, and I got to see Melissa and my friend and I giggled uncontrollably as we raced in the rain to my car, so that she would not get her new tan wet. And then, we sat in her driveway and had a most meaningful conversation. “You’re incredible,” she said, and it really struck me. And I didn’t brush it off. I took it in. And I thanked her. And I felt so much gratitude.

I was reminded, once again, why I love my husband. This was for many reasons, but I will share the funniest: We were talking about this here blog of mine and how, as I mentioned on our Facebook page last week it is now being read in 107 countries across the world (and I mean whoa, I am in absolute awe. I wish that I could show you the whole list. It’s just incredible to me and I feel so blessed. Incredulous, incredible and blessed.)

“Do you think that a celebrity has ever read your blog?” he asked. “No.” I answered emphatically, because while I am fortunate to have great readership, I am not a famous, big-timer and I am under no misapprehension about this fact. “No, seriously,” he continued. “You know, stars are just like us. They read blogs. They stumble upon things on the internet. Celebrities could be reading your blog and you would just have no idea.” He referenced “US Weekly”. Case in point.

(By the way, because he piqued my curiosity, I just checked out my analytics to see if my blog gets read frequently in California. It is in my top five States with the most traffic. And the city in which it is read the most? Los Angeles. Also, I am not implying anything but it is also read frequently in Calabasas.)

I got to completely lose myself in finding new home decor for my girl in her new place.

I had three different kinds of chocolate for dessert. A chocolate & peanut butter shake, chocolate chips and Oreos, if you must know.

I wrote a new song. I wasn’t sure about it until I found it’s melody and then belted out the passionate chorus. I love it, now.

And, finally, I did not have a nightmare.

For that, I am most grateful.

And not only did I not have a nightmare, but I had a really good dream. I feel like if I were in a room with my best friends right now I would be like Dorothy after her “trip” to Oz, saying, “You were there! And you!”

In my dream, I got to hang out with my favorite musician.

(Notice that I am not even linking to him. We all know.)

And do you remember how I got the best 30th birthday gift of all time from him?

Well, in my dream there was another guitar auction and I was able to make a donation to a charity in exchange for a purple electric that was carved out of a tree.

And then, because obviously this happened, Brett and I were chilling on the couch at this big event (in my dream, when we are hanging, we are on a first name basis, mmmkay?) and a bunch of kids got up to sing “Sydney (I’ll Come Running)“. I think it was supposed to be like:

but actually they needed help, so Brett and I each grabbed a mic to guide them.

And why did I just write that strange, seemingly random list of things that may or may not interest you in any way?

Because I am keeping my promise. I am trying not to take things for granted.

And so far so good.

“Oh, but anyway, Toto, we’re home. Home! And this is my room, and you’re all here. And I’m not gonna leave here ever, ever again, because I love you all.”

Or something like that.

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