I sat down to write this message and the deluge started from my eyes before my fingers could touch the keyboard.
I placed my hands on my heart.
I don’t know how to describe this feeling.
Intense love mixed with incredulity mixed with wistfulness…
and something else. But when you love someone this much, there isn’t always a word.
There are no words. But I will try.
Sweet, darling girl: today you are six years old. We have been counting down the days for weeks now, but what you do not know is that I have been celebrating you every single day since I found out that you were a poppy seed inside of me.
Five and a half years ago I wrote this post for your half birthday; you were six months old. Six months. And today, you are six years old. In your half birthday post, I wrote:
Happy, Happy, Happy 1/2 Birthday to my favorite Princess. You are more precious to me than you will ever, ever know, sweet dear. Mommy loves you. Mommy will always love you.
and ever after.
When I typed those words, I knew in my heart and in my soul and in my bones that they would be true, but never could I have imagined the joy and life you have brought to me and to our lives.
I want to tell you (and the world) a story that you told me recently. You told me that when you were up in the sky, before you were born, you were not in the clouds but on a rainbow.
You told me that when I was in Hawaii (the month before you were conceived) and saw a double rainbow arching across the whole cerulean sky
that it was actually you on your rainbow, spotting me, and choosing me as yours.
Thank you so much for choosing me.
You did not just make me a mother, but you made me me.
You are truly the sweetest person I know. In fact, you just looked over at me, tears streaming down my face, and checked in, making sure that I was “crying happy”.
When I am sad, you hold me and kiss me and we do our ritual of you giving me your extra love.
When I ask questions of the universe, you, somehow, have the most profound of answers.
When I look at your face, I see my lifelong dream incarnate. Yes, you are the daughter–the person–of my dreams.
You are kind, lovely, brilliant, wise, funny, adorable, creative, talented and absolutely beautiful.
You are the one person on whom I can always count to sing “One Day More” with me, and the one person who will always give me an extra kiss goodnight.
You are special and you are spectacular.
And, sweetheart, you can finally say that you are SIX! (Six, ever after.)
I do not know what this year will bring, but I can promise you one thing–
the same thing that I promised you when you were six months old and every day every since.
You are more precious to me than you will ever, ever know, sweet dear. Mommy loves you. Mommy will always love you.
and ever after.
Happy Birthday, my beauty. May you continue to shine, may you continue to find happiness in things big and small and may you continue to feel more love than you know what to do with.
You deserve it.
You are everything.
Love you always,