Thirty.

Hello, and greetings from my next decade.

I have been so quiet on here, but that was because as a present to myself (a.k.a. a promise made to my husband and J) I gave myself a few days off of work.

I’m back. And I am a little nervous. There is so much that I want to say–I want for you to know everything that I know–I want you to feel everything that I am feeling–but for now, I will just share with you a few sweet little things.

I feel a bit nervous, to be honest. Since the moment that my eyes opened on April 11, I have been feeling a sense of responsibility. I have wanted to make sure that everything I did for the “first time” in this new decade was thoughtful, and would somehow be a symbolic move, guiding my years ahead.

I got off to a really unbelievable start, with my Brett Dennen guitar.

So, this is my first blog post as a thirty year old. Thirty. How the hell am I thirty?

When I started writing on here I had just turned 25, and just this weekend I found out that so many people (about whom I had no idea) have been reading this site since day 1.

I was blessed to have friends and family come to celebrate with me from many states (Boston, New York, South Carolina) and I was made to feel so, so loved.

So, back to my first things as a 30 year old.

The first thing that I did as a 30 year old was to trade text messages at 2am with J. I woke up, having gone to bed before midnight, and said, “Hmm. I am thirty now I guess.” and replied to a text of hers, only to find her still awake. Great start.

The first activity I did as a 30 year old was snuggling in my bed with my little family. I am welling up with tears just writing those words, for how could I possibly ask for anything sweeter or more auspicious?

Then, this is when I started to get weird. I wanted my first meal as a 30 year old to set a good tone for the future, as I am extremely dedicated to improving my physical and mental health. Full steam ahead.

So, I will admit to perseverating a bit when it came to that first bite. On one hand, I wanted to fill my body will good, healthy food, to treat myself well, to help me to grow and be nourished, so I decided on a kale shake. But for the first bite, I am not going to lie, I was extremely tempted by the red string licorice in my snack cabinet. It’s my favorite. So, I thought, “It is my birthday, so I should be treating myself to candy first thing in the morning, as a symbol of how I will live the next decade knowing that ‘life is short’ and all of that.”

But, the thing is, I have grown up this past year. A lot. And I think that the string licorice is symbolic of how I used to live my life. And so, I decided to meet in the middle.

The first thing I ate as a 30 year old was a piece of mango, as I prepped the fruit for my smoothie.

I love mango. It is delicious. It is healthy. It is good for me.

I want to be good for me.

I will still eat string licorice. Maybe just not first thing in the morning.

I am going to be really honest now. I am a bit overwhelmed with emotion at the moment, so though I planned to write about everything I am going to save the rest of my story. Just for a bit. Perhaps I have to process it all. Perhaps I still want to hold it all so close, not ready to let it go. I promise that I will share, as I always do, but for now, I can’t.

And, all kidding aside, I have a kale smoothie to drink. And that is what is most important right now, in this moment.

In the picture above, taken the night before my birthday, I was reading the card given to me by my parents. And I was trying, with all of my might, not to cry,

just as I am doing right now.

These past 2 years have taught me more than the other 28 in my life combined.

And as hard as it has been at times, I am brimming with love and gratitude.

Here is to my thirties.

May I continue to be surrounded by the best tribe imaginable.

May I continue to work on improving myself.

May I help to spread compassion around this world.

And may I take a breath and say “It’s OK” to myself, when I can’t finish a blog post because I am feeling too emotional.

May I give myself permission to feel and to be and to enhance and to learn and to grow.

And to start exploring this next chapter in my

ever after.

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