Mommy Ever After » St. John

A Happy Story (for a Happy Birthday!)

Rebecca Fox Starr — Tue, 20 Jan 2015 01:50:43 +0000

and the fact that things have been heavy (yet hopeful) around these parts,

I decided to go spelunking, way back into the cavernous, yet delightful, happy story of my past.

As I mentioned yesterday, I receive so many messages from people who are feeling off, or alone, or just simply down, so I have decided to dig up some old happy stories for you, so that if you need a quick pick me up (while we eat any of the cake that is leftover from breakfast. Oh yes. The cake given to me by the girl whom I told I loved!) then here is a virtual sweet treat for you. I hand-picked some posts that I thought would let you get to know me better–the old me–when I was a new mother. I feel so blessed to have written this blog daily for 4 years, as I have my daughter’s entire history recorded;

I have, written down, those tiny things that I wouldn’t have remembered otherwise.

Bon Appetit.

Happy Engagemaversary

A Name is a Name is a Name

“You Know You Have a Girlie Girl When…”

Sunday, Monday, Tu(tu)esday…”

A Mother

This thing that happens.

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Nurture, Nature and “Into the Woods”.

Rebecca Fox Starr — Sun, 28 Dec 2014 21:46:59 +0000

Yesterday was a big day.

My son woke up late, as a treat, and my daughter followed me into his room to change his morning diaper.

“Today is the day!” she beamed.

“I know! Today is the cookie party!” I answered, referring to our plans for the special Pollyanna party with our best friends.

“No!” She cried. “Today, Bubbie and Zeydie come home from St. John!”

My parents have been away for two weeks. Despite our best efforts to make up for our missed trip, she missed her grandparents an extraordinary amount.

They spoke on the phone every day, and, evidently, on one such conversation, hatched a plan for her to have a sleepover at their house on the night of their return. It didn’t matter that they wouldn’t land until nearly 5:30, when we usually start bedtime at 6, or that they had just been gone for two weeks and had a long day of travel; they all needed this date.

She counted down the hours.

Fortunately, she was able to fill her day with plenty of fun; a trip to the library to see zoo animals and out to lunch with her friend (who, as of yesterday, may be her boyfriend. There was a kiss.); our Pollyanna party with a house filled with best friends and more cookies than any of of us could count.

But she had her eye on the prize.

I got a text from my dad shortly after five letting me know that they had landed and I told my daughter.

She threw her hands up in the air and shouted, “I’m free!”

(Whatever that means.)

When the party broke up, she went up to her room and she packed her suitcase with care, and the help of her GodMama , who had stuck around post-party,

as my husband drove to get my parents from the airport and her godfather and I cleaned up the kitchen.

And, finally, after a seemingly endless two weeks, Bubbie and Zeydie walked through our front door. Both of my kids freaked out, but the excitement between my parents and my daughter was incredible. With barely a glance behind her, she went off to their house for their date.

I didn’t hear from her the rest of the night (except for a quick call to say “Goodnight”) but I did follow her evening on Instagram, courtesy of my dad.

First, there was a bubble bath; then, spooky stories in Bubbie and Zeydie’s bed; then morning episodes of “Scooby Doo” in bed and making pancakes with Zeydie and doing laundry with Bubbie.

She was so happy, as for her, my parents are a part of her sense of home.

I was up in my bedroom with my son when she got home. I heard small footsteps coming up the stairs and heard my door open slowly.

“Your missing puzzle piece is back!” she said, and climbed onto the bed and into my arms.

How could one child hold so much wisdom; so much love?

From where does she get these things?

“How was your time?” I asked.

“Amazing.” She said, telling me stories, some true, some potentially “elaborated”, like shaving with Zeydie (true), playing the Mermaid game with Bubbie (true) and staring at her brother’s picture and wanting to cry but being able to take a deep breath to hold back the tears (ummmm…).

And she is right; my missing puzzle piece is back. But so are my other missing puzzle pieces. Because as much as I am a grown up, it is nice to have my parents back, around the corner.

And then, today, I met another parenting milestone; I took my daughter to the movies all by myself. This is something that most parents with children my daughter’s age have probably done with great ease and frequency, but for me, it was a marker of how far I have come in the past year. This week a year ago I was at my lowest. Today, I was a grown up, a mom, sharing a popcorn and Sour Patch Kids with my little girl, so that I could expose her to one of my all-time favorite musicals that has been made into a movie.

If you have been a reader here from the beginning, you may recall that at four months old, I showed my daughter the filmed stage version of “Into the Woods” with Bernadette Peters and the kid was mesmerized. One point for “Nature” there.

When I found out that it was being made into a movie (and with some of my favorite actors) I (not surprisingly) freaked out and had awaited it’s release eagerly. And I decided that I would try, today, to take my daughter to see this movie with me.

She and I often watch clips from the aforementioned filmed stage version, as she loves the opening number and “Moments in the Woods”. For that particular choice, we may give a point to “Nurture”.

I found myself extremely emotional during the film. First of all, I thought it was excellent. Second of all, the music is incredibly evocative for me and “The Baker’s Wife” is my dream role. But, most poignantly, I was hit with a case of the feels every time that the movie made a point about parenthood. There I was, my daughter snuggled up next to me in a dark theater, listening to Meryl Streep singing,

Careful the things you say
Children will listen
Careful the things you do
Children will see
And learn

And then I was brought back to my earlier thoughts in bed this morning, when my daughter came bursting in after her sleepover. She made the declaration about being my “missing puzzle piece” because she has heard me say that before, in passing, and it stuck with her.

The funny thing is, I have even written about that particular exchange with her, and yet I did not quite grasp the weight our words have on these little (big) ears.

Lately, in my personal life, I have been writing and reflecting a lot about parenthood. I am honored that I have the chance to raise two human beings and humbled by the responsibility.

Why does my daughter sing with a natural vibrato at 4 years old?

Well, quite honestly, it probably has to do with some biological gifts. But it is also likely the result of her hearing me sing, every single day of her life, and that is how I sound.

Last week, in trying to teach her about having gratitude in a season when we are given so much, I told her something that affected her deeply;

I told her that despite the fact that she is kept warm by a scarf, hat and gloves every day, as a given, there are other children who will hope to receive these luxuries as holiday presents; that some will not receive them at all.

And that was my attempt to try to Nurture her into a good, caring, empathetic person.

But I saw the look on her face. I saw her eyes grow wide and fill up and her chin shake.

When she spoke, it was slowly, and it took a long time for her to get the words out.

“When you tell me these things mommy, they make my heart cry. And when my heart cries, it makes me want to cry. Can we not talk about it anymore?”

And that, I am sure, is Nature, as she has the same sensitivity that my husband and I both share, as we are both extremely reactive to any tales of suffering, past or present.

So today, the movie reminded me of many things,

including my passion for musical theater, the brilliance of Sondheim and how nice it is to get out and see a movie in the theater.

But, it also reminds me, and I write this, once again, with tears filling my eyes, that we are responsible for shaping these little people and that I have to continue to fight hard, do good and try my best.

There is plenty that I don’t do right, because either I am incapable or ignorant or too weak.

But the fact that my daughter knows that she is a puzzle piece–

a salient piece of our family’s structure–that without her we would be incomplete–

makes me think that there is at least something,

one thing

that I am doing right.

The post Nurture, Nature and “Into the Woods”. appeared first on Mommy Ever After.

Could be a whole heck of a lot worse.

mommyeverafter — Mon, 15 Dec 2014 15:21:31 +0000

Well, it may not be our thwarted big family trip to St. John, but I’m cozy, under a blanket, listening to my main man’s music,

working on THE NEW WEBSITE

and OMG do I have a story for you as my big premiere.

I literally could not make this stuff up.

Stay warm and stay tuned.

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Stay Tuned and Get Pumped! (is what I was going to say.)

mommyeverafter — Sun, 14 Dec 2014 12:27:07 +0000

Patience, my dear ones. For I am off to a happy place, where I will be celebrating my 8th Engagemaversary in that very same spot.

…is what I had written, yesterday,

prepared to publish today,

as I would now be off to St. John, via St. Thomas, with my entire family; Parents, siblings, kids…

It’s funny. Just last week, Jordan said, “The way to virtually guarantee that a child will get sick is to schedule something that you really want to do.”

And it has been no secret that we have been sickie little chickies in my house for the past month.

But weeks of sick days and doctor visits all kind of came to a head yesterday when I crashed, unexpectedly, at 3pm, woke up two hours later in excruciating ear pain. I have been suffering from TMJ on my right side, but this pain was on my left. And I couldn’t hear out of my ear. Weird.

So, I shook the sleep out of my head and rallied to give the baby his nighttime bottle, give my daughter her kiss goodnight, and I told my husband that something wasn’t right. All of the local urgent care facilities were closed and all my doctor besties were stuck without otoscopes (I just wanted to see if I was crazy), so we found a Care Stat location a little ways away and I got checked out.

I told the doctor about my TMJ. “First let me look at your right ear, or your ‘good ear’,” she said.

“Yup, this ear is infected.”

Then she moved onto my left.

And all she said was, “Whoa.”

That’s never what you want to hear from a doctor.

So I have a double ear infection, but on my left side it is pretty severe, and I am prohibited from flying for a week. Which means that we had to cancel our trip to our happy place.

It’s ok. I was most disappointed for my daughter and parents, but we have made alternate arrangements so that my kids will be taken away on a fun family trip, just the four of us, that involves driving, and no change in elevation that will perforate my eardrum.

I walked out of the urgent care office, into the Krispie Kreme two doors down, and ate a hot glazed doughnut right off of the conveyer belt. Because, really, what else was there to do?

So, I will continue where I had left off yesterday before this all went down (when I thought I would be leaving you for St. John):

Please don’t think I would leave you hanging. Oh no.

Because we have some big changes on the not so distant horizon; my home for the past 4.5 years,

www.mommyeverafter.wordpress.com,

just got quite the makeover. We are moving on up people.

Very soon, this blog will be located at…

www.mommyeverafter.com

You can visit the site to countdown to our big launch on December 22. There will be ads! There will be new categories! There will be a feathers! This is forrealz.

And I realize that my audience here is mixed; some of you have been here from the beginning, while others are newer to the land of mom. So I am leaving you with some old favorites. And the fun thing is, they lead you to other old posts. You have almost 900 of ‘em to wade through as I wade through the ocean. (Editor’s note: I don’t even have to say it. Frowny face.)

Let me take this opportunity to say thank you.

This past year (and I am getting choked up) has been the hardest in my life; I am so grateful for the support I have received from YOU. You have empowered me to tell me story and motivated me to help others. Thank you. I would not be here without you.

So here you go. I’ll be popping in here and there over the next week, but to tide you over:

Something motivational

Something sweet

Something musical

Something nostalgic

Something comprehensive

Some Important Insight

The craziest call to the pediatrican ever. (Really, ever.)

The second craziest call to the pediatrican,, ever. And it’s a close second.

Something Happy.

Something Hard.

Something Hopeful.

See you on the flip side at www.mommyeverafter.com,

the home of everything ever after.

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Once on this Island…

mommyeverafter — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 19:50:08 +0000

Happy Five year Engagemeversary, partner.
I feel so blessed to be sunning on the same magical island,
and living in the same bedroom,
sleeping in the same bed,
that we shared, five years ago today,
when you first asked
and I first answered.
With all that has changed in our lives,
it’s nice to know that we are in the same place,
and we are the same people,
with a love that has only grown.
And P.S. I still say yes.
Thanks, so much for asking.

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Oh, and by the way…

mommyeverafter — Wed, 14 Dec 2011 02:05:19 +0000

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I have to say,

mommyeverafter — Wed, 14 Dec 2011 01:18:11 +0000

that although I am in a land far, far away,
where my internet connection is limited to 36 seconds a day,
and my phone has not worked since Sunday,
and where the rum drinks flow like….
….you know….
I feel compelled to take the last 22 seconds of signal I have
to say
that at this moment,
for me,
happiness is
spending more hours in the ocean than on land,
sitting on a tall bar stool and sharing a virgin pina colada with my kid,
the smell of sun tan lotion and coconuts
and the taste of freshly caught fish
and sitting, huddled up, in a hot tub with 6 of the people I love the most in the world,
and mango beer at 3 in the afternoon
and watching my baby dance on a table
and chasing iguanas
and sleeping in the bed in which I got engaged
and having all family, all the time
and spicy food
and steel drums
and stolen kisses
and stories and memories that will keep me warm for many moments to come.
I don’t want this week to end.
Time, slow down, please,
for this is my happy place.
Happiness is here.
Here is love.

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Almost paradise.

mommyeverafter — Sun, 11 Dec 2011 03:15:44 +0000

My apologies.
I know that things have been quiet around these parts.
While I may have been absent outwardly,
rest assured that I’ve been a good blogging squirrel,
gathering seeds and hoarding stories and collecting photos of my baby, bee-lining towards sparkly shoes, to share with you.
But, the truth is, it’s been a hard week.
And it’s a long story.
But the short story is this:
This week, I was quiet because I was, quite literally, at a loss for words…
Because this week, I had to hold my big dog in one arm, and my little girl in the other arm, and tell my big dog to give my little girl a kiss, and tell my little girl to give my big dog a kiss….
and then I had to tell them to say goodbye to one another.
This week, we had to let go of our Ziggy.
And I can’t really write more now,
because…
I just can’t.
And while I’m not usually a fan of the ellipsis,
there is so much that I want to pour out from my insides, but the only thing I can muster are these three dots. And in these three dots are the story of my little boy,
who came to me with a tongue too big for his mouth, and feet too big for his stature,
and a heart too big for his body.
And the story of how, on the first morning we got him, he played with his metal food bowl, clanking that thing around the kitchen, until the walls jingled and jangled around us…
how on that first morning, we thought we had found our boy his forever home, having rescued him, in every sense of the word.
And the jingling and the jangling only continued,
as our Z boy made noise as he barked and bellowed,
as he stomped and tromped,
and as he loved big.
As big as his paws.
As big as his heart.
…
Everything about Ziggy has always been supersized, and although that was so often a good thing, and so much of what made him so lovable,
his fear ultimately got the better of him.
Big fear.
And this summer, when he began to snap at our little Lola, we took it very seriously. We took it as a warning. And we worked hard. But as his anxieties got worse, so did his aggression, as he would snap at other dogs on walks, and pounce on Lola, viciously, for scraps of food or a turn with a toy. And soon, Lola got no more scraps and no more turns. And she got injured. And we got worried. But we worked harder.
And then, last week, our worst fears came true. He snapped at our daughter. While we have always known how much our Zig loves our little bee, we also know that his fear has gotten out of control. Perhaps it is from the scars of his former life. Perhaps he has reached his sexual maturity. Perhaps his wires are crossed the wrong way.
But all speculations aside, we knew what we had to do. We had to protect our family and, most of all, our daughter.
And so, with the advice of our vet, family and friends, we surrendered Ziggy back to the rescue home from which we got him, 2 1/2 years ago.
And typing those words, I feel like I’m going to throw up.
…
On the last morning we had him, Ziggy played with his metal food bowl. The walls jingled and jangled around us. My heart wept.
As we said goodbye to him, we told him how much we loved him, how much he has meant to us–will always mean to us–and how quiet our lives will be without him.
My husband and I sat on the floor, holding our big boy in our arms, and we melted into a deluge of tears, wishing that there was some other way, but knowing that there was not.
The rescue organization will be working hard to find him a new home, and is confident that they will place him soon, with a family without young children or other animals. He is an incredible, cute, wonderful dog, who will thrive in the right home. We just wish that home could be ours.*
So, our lives have been quieter.
And I have been quieter.
And now that I’ve found some of my words, I’m hopeful that the first leg of the grieving process has begun…and ended.
And now is a good time for us to start fresh, as tomorrow, we embark upon a rather exciting chapter in our lives,
Baby’s first vacation.
And we are going back to our most treasured spot; our happy place; our Paradise.
And while we are there we will be surrounded with sun and love,
and reminisce about our engagement there, in that very room, five years ago this week
(The Proposal, Part Une
The Proposal, Part Deux
The Proposal, Part Trois
The Proposal, Part Quatre
The Proposal, Part Forever)
And we will draw lines in the sand with our toes
and we will listen to the sea
and it will be quiet.
And I will miss our boy.
Our boy who is never quiet, and who is always loved.
*If you, or anyone you know, is interested in helping us to find the perfect forever home for our Ziggy, please email me at MommyEverAfter@gmail.com, or contact the fabulous rescue organization directly Here. Much love and noise and thanks xx Becca

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Since it IS Wordless Wednesday,

mommyeverafter — Wed, 17 Nov 2010 19:40:55 +0000

and I am not permitted to write any new words of my own,
and because my co-teacher asked me about my engagement ring, just this morning,
here you go:
the chance for you to catch up on my Proposal Story,
just in case you may have missed it.
And for those of you who’ve read it before,
do you remember how I kept you in suspense? Do you remember how you were banging down my door to finish telling you story?
Well, here you go! In full,
the story of our engagement.
Spoiler Alert: It has a happy ending.
The Proposal, Part Une
The Proposal, Part Deux
The Proposal, Part Trois
The Proposal, Part Quatre
The Proposal, Part Forever
Bon Appetit!

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