The way we do (and how it’s new).

Our holidays this year have been completely different than ever before.

Up until last year, I experienced the winter holidays in nearly the same way every year for as long as I can remember:

Hanukkah was a time of many big family gatherings

(when you have a huge family that all lives locally, the pile of presents is pretty epic);

It was a time of latkes and blessings and rituals that were passed down from my grandparents to my parents and then to us.

And I think that somewhere, deep within my being, it got engrained in me that that was the way that things had to be.

Christmas was equally predictable; we would all see movies (sometimes together, sometimes separate; the most notable example being the time that my mom, sister and I saw “Little Women” while my dad saw “Pulp Fiction”, alone, in the theater next door.) We would often times do the stereotypical Chinese food dinner, other times my dad and I would cook a proper turkey feast, but it was always a big family event.

(Note: There were two Christmases, 1987 and 1988, where things varied a great deal, like with SANTA, but I will save that story for another time.)

And then last year happened. And I can say quite honestly, I have no idea what we did on Christmas day. Nor do I remember Hanukkah, which I think was around Thanksgiving.

The holidays were a blur of sadness. I did not revel in the joy of the season. I do not remember giving or receiving gifts or saying blessings, or really being thankful for anything. And I am sad for that and sorry for that, but that is my story.

And now my story has changed.

This year, I made a promise that I would do things differently. I would live richly.

I have made great plans for this holiday season, but have also savored the smallest of things, a sentiment that I never really understood fully until now.

Sometimes it takes the darkest of darkness to see the true brilliance of light.

This year, Hanukkah and Christmas almost overlapped, making it a true holiday season.

And instead of big family dinners with tons of presents, we did 7 out of 8 nights of Hanukkah as a family of four.

Each night we gave one gift. There was no pile of presents. We were trying to teach the meaning of gratitude to our fortunate children. When my daughter opened up the nineteen dollar blanket that has a hood that looks like a cat head and glows in the dark, the same blanket that she had seen on the TV and begged for, she could not have been more thrilled and has used it every day since.

There was true appreciation all around. There was appreciation for our fortune, there was appreciation for our presents, but, most of all, in all honestly, there was appreciation for our presence.

I mentioned that there was one night when we did not do Hanukkah alone, and that was because we had my grandparents (my kids’ great-grandparents) for dinner. My eyes are filling with tears as I type, and struggle to find the words.

We lit the candles and said the blessings, Mommom and I bouncing the baby, my daughter sitting on Poppop’s lap, and I could hear their voices together, one small girl’s and one old man’s, singing in unison.

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And then, last night, we had Christmas Eve.

Again, it was the four of us, which was ever so special.

After a family dinner we lit a fire and roasted marshmallows.

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To keep the old Jewish stereotype alive, I roasted MY marshmallow using a chopstick!

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And then, this.

So, I think about the past.

I think about the words of the blessings we have sung.

    When our own strength failed us.

And I realize how far we’ve come.

Happy Holidays.

May your days be merry and bright…”

and, from me to you,

may your load be a little more light.

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