I have experienced a range of emotions today

(highlights included:

  Paul and Gary finishing their painting work in our basement. You should see the color I chose for our bathroom (It’s my boldest ever!!!!!);

my dad delivering his homemade banana bread fresh out of the oven right in time for an afternoon snack;

finding out about and exploring the world of What’s Up Moms, because honestly, where have they been all my life and why am I not one of them?;

texting with my dad and my sister so that I could introduce my dad to a song I knew that he would love and, in the thread, proclaiming my love for and crush on Mark Ronson, only to have my sister reply with, “I sat next to him at a seder a few years ago. He was reallllly nice.”;

family time.)

and am now enjoying the quiet sound of empty streets.

And I got to thinking back to Februaries past. It seems to me that they have all been significant, at least since I met K, and so I wanted to stroll down Februmemory Lane. So if you are snowed in tonight and have no more Vanderpump Rules episodes to catch up on or, unlike me, you don’t feel like listening to Serial for the third time (which, I will tell you, is a mistake, because, man, it gets better every time) then here are some of my old, snowy footprints for you to sink your feet into.

Stay warm. Stay safe. Stay present, and enjoy my past.

Februaries Past:

This week in 2011

This week in 2012 and This, the very same week in 2012 (both illustrating that some things never change.)

The sole post from February 2013

This week in February 2014

February 2014 is when I came out of hiding, publishing My hard story. And the rest, as you know, is today.

The post Februaries Past appeared first on Mommy Ever After.

Except, I wasn’t quite ready to get up, nor was I feeling my best, so I decided that while we were “up” we could snuggle on the couch watching music videos for a good hour before starting our real day.

I will share with you our playlist, but I have to say, it is going to seem painfully unoriginal, as I have recently written about most of these songs, but that’s how things work in our house (and, presumably in the house of anyone who has children; a song gets stuck and is everything until the next song comes and takes it’s place. There was a six month David Bowie streak during my pregnancy with my son–my daughter was obsessed–which means that I can no longer listen to “Starman” without feeling queasy).

So, our morning soundtrack sounded a little bit like this:

Uptown Funk, our go-to dance party song of the moment,

which led us, by way of Mark Ronson, to “Valerie” as it is a song I sing with my band, both acoustic and electric,

which took us to “Summer Nights”,

followed by “You’re the One that I Want”, both from Grease, which is still in her top two favorite musicals of the week;

I asked her if we could listen to “Somebody to Love” as it a) now has a special meaning to me and b) is an amazing song;

She was allowed to choose next, and picked this song, something she listens to with her dad on the way to school;

Then it was Elvis Costello’s “Oliver’s Army”, which I am shocked that I have not previously written about; I almost can’t believe it to the point that I am skeptical of the accuracy of my search function on this site. “Oliver’s Army” defined my family vacation car rides with my parents and sister. We both thought it was called “Oligazombie”.

Then, for my son, his favorite song (I’ll let you figure out the one about which I am referring; he is decidedly less fickle than my daughter. He finds a song and sticks to it).

And watching my kids dance, and watching them experience music, something that is so important to me, was the perfect way to start the day.

May your day be filled with a lot of funk, somebody to love, a minimal amount of lumps, no zombies and, of course, that bass.

By the way, the featured image for this post is a photo from about 25 years ago, when I first got into “Oligazombie”, Queen and Musical Theatre; Since it’s #tbt and all, I figured I’d go with it.

The post A Musical Morning. appeared first on Mommy Ever After.

I have had dizziness before, but holy moly, this is something else.

I woke up on Friday morning and everything was spinning (or I was spinning, or both) and it has been relentless.

In any case, this has taken me out of commission this weekend (which leaves me feeling very guilty. I feel so bad that I am not there to play with my kids and help my husband, but it is out of my control. This is something that I am working on).

I have spent 85% of my time since Friday morning in bed, if not more.

Yesterday, while my husband and daughter were out together at the salon getting haircuts (I know, super cute) I went into the bathroom to put my hair in a ponytail. The motion of flipping my head back was a huge mistake, triggering a feeling like I cannot even describe; it took me many minutes to be able to crawl from the bathroom into my bedroom, completely dizzy and disoriented, in order to call my parents for help.

This morning, for the first time, I ventured downstairs. It felt nice to be human again, albeit briefly. And even though I could not take part, the highlight of my weekend was most certainly watching my three most favorite people taking part in one of our family’s very favorite activities.

So I can enjoy watching my family and Taylor Swift “Shake it Off”,

while keeping my head completely,

perfectly

still.

The post To shake or not to shake. appeared first on Mommy Ever After.

Then, my parents took  my daughter to see her new favorite movie, I picked up the cake for my husband’s birthday tomorrow (more on that later; he actually reads this blog so I don’t want to spoil the surprise) and I awkwardly told the girl behind the counter of the bake shop, “Ok, bye, love you!” I apologized and we laughed.

We had some things to pick up and I had a few gifts to purchase so we went to a store, despite the absolutely torrential rainstorm outside.

As I walked into the store, I saw something from afar that I thought might work for a gift, but as I got closer, I lost my breath.

Now, see below, at what I had written not 4 hours before.

And not only did I write it, but I had included a footnote about to whom I should attribute this quote, as there is great controversy over it’s origin and author.

Sometimes you just can’t explain things; The universe sends you messages and you choose whether you want to believe in them or not.

I believe.

***

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.

My hands are running back and forth across the keyboard. I know what I want to say, I am just not sure how to properly convey the message so that it is as clear as I desire for it to be.

This quote is one of many that resonates with me, and I am fortunate enough that I have some very special girlfriends with whom I trade inspirational quotes, poems and photos via text, almost daily.

I write on this site all about my own struggles. My physical and mental issues. My battles.

But there is something that you may not know.

Every single day I receive several private messages that are written differently, but that have the same underlying theme, and that is this: “I wasn’t sure if I should write to you, but I feel like we are so similar in so many ways and I can relate and connect to you and your anxieties and struggles.”

Ever single day. And every single one of these messages means an incredible amount to me. I can’t even begin to convey how much they mean to me; every time I read a new note, I share with my husband how touched I am (I do not share the notes, nor anything about the senders or content) but just that I had a dialogue that was very special. So to those of you who have been brave enough to type these notes, thank you. And to those of you who are still on the fence as to whether or not you should reach out to me,

I implore you to please write.

Because you are not alone.

It is amazing how we as humans (and I would say particularly mothers, but I am not at all trying to stereotype or marginalize) are so hard on ourselves. I remember one of the quotes that I sent to a friend, and it was something like “Imagine if we spent the whole day obsessing about the things we liked about ourselves.”

Now anxiety, like most things, has a spectrum, and there are some people who have very little. But really, most people I know feel it, feel it palpably, and it causes a deep feeling of loneliness.

I used this example before in my writing as a hypothetical, but I want to tell you about something very personal to me. Out of respect for others and to keep things as confidential as possible, I am going to be vague about the context, but I was in a group recently in which I raised my hand, frustrated. I expressed my feelings and insecurities. I shared how lonely it felt to feel different.

The facilitator of this group repeated my sentiments to the rest of the room, where there were at least 20 people present, and asked if anyone could relate to my feelings of insecurity, “different-ness”, and loneliness.

Every single hand went up.

Every single hand.

I was shocked.

In my eyes and from my perspective, the things that I was sharing were clearly not applicable to anyone else in the room. But they felt them, too, just as acutely.

That is when I realized, I am not alone.

And why I say

you are not alone.

I have held my nose and jumped in to the deep end of the pool, so to speak (a metaphor my doctor uses) when it comes to being open and honest about my own mental health issues. I share more than most people. But I realize that sharing things–admitting to these vulnerabilities–is terrifying.

But, while I can’t make a 100% guarantee, I strongly, strongly believe that if you share how you are feeling, you will end up feeling better.

Not only will you have said it–the thing that is so hard to say–but you will have said it to someone who can empathize.

You can take it off of you. You don’t have to carry it anymore.

And, at the very least, you can know that by writing, you will have touched another person’s heart.

I so wish that we, as a culture, were more sympathetic to one another. We rally behind so many causes (which is fantastic), but we don’t really take the time to acknowledge the seriousness of our mental health issues.

So if you can take away anything from this post it is this:

The way you feel–that way that you are sure that no one in the world can possibly relate to–is something that so so so so so many of us feel. Sharing those feelings takes bravery, and if you want to start by sharing with me, I can assure you that you will find empathetic ears and a caring heart. You can always Facebook message me or email me at Rebecca@mommyeverafter.com. Again, everything you say remains between us. I am your vault.

But, most of all, I want you to remember this one salient point:

You are not alone.

Just a reminder: I can offer friendship and support, but I am not a medical professional. Please consult with your doctor if you are having a really hard time struggling with your emotions or, simply go to the nearest Emergency Room.

The post You are not alone. appeared first on Mommy Ever After.

1. I am not at all in touch with today’s current music scene. I know about Sia’s “Chandelier” because of an SNL skit sent to me by a friend, I have heard of only about half of the mainstream artists and know very little of their songs. I am exposed to some new music by being in the band, but that is primarily because some of my band members have elementary-school aged kids who are really into singers like Taylor Swift and Katy Perry. I could not identify Iggy Azalea in a lineup. Judge as you will.

2. I am a firm believer in dancing it out.

Yesterday, we were all feeling a little blah, and I suggested a dance party to help the mood.

Dance parties are our thing.

My husband was not enthused. He actually said that he didn’t feel like it. So I obliged…

for about 45 seconds.

And then I grabbed the remote control to our big living room TV, the XBox1 controller and told my system to “Go to Music”.

Let me back up a few weeks. At Our New Year’s Eve party, one of our friends told me about his favorite new song, “Uptown Funk” by Mark Ronson featuring Bruno Mars. He said that it was so fun that he listened to it on repeat 10 times while getting ready for the night out. He brought me into the Living Room to play it for me. And then, a few hours later, he and I did a choreographed dance to the song, trying to mimic the music video. I’m sure we were amazing.

In any case, since that night, it has become a really popular song in our house and in our circle. One of our best friends sent out a group text the next week, admitting to his obsession with the song. My husband has been playing it in his car. It’s just a catchy, fun, feel good song and Bruno Mars is so talented. His dancing! I think he performed the dance slightly better than we did, but I may just being hard on myself.

In any case, yesterday my husband was mopey and the kids were like this, so instead of leaning into the funk that everyone was in, I decided to, instead, go “Uptown Funk”.

You just kind of can’t not dance when this is on.

So my husband held my son in his arms and I swung my daughter around in mine, and we had a family dance party.

We danced it out.

And you know what?

It worked.

Because dance parties work.

And, ‘Cause Uptown Funk gon’ give it to you.

Hallelujah, indeed.

The post Uptown Funk appeared first on Mommy Ever After.