Sweet sleep.
I can remember the days of sleeping on my very own schedule, in my very own bed, to my very own heart’s desire.
That changed once we expanded our family.
And I’m not talking about when we had a baby.
No, our sleep has not been our own since we brought home our first child,
an extremely rare hybrid creature, half-canine/half-princess,
also known as our Yorkshire Terrier named Lola.
I really believe that we became parents two and a half years ago when we first held our precious, furry baby in our arms.
I cried when she first nuzzled up into my chest.
Lola was more than a puppy to us; she has brought us immeasurable joy, laughter, anxiety, and, of course, dress-up opportunities.
When we adopted Lola, we also adopted the sleep schedule of new parents.
We could no longer sleep in on weekends.
But, it was OK, because Lola was worth the early morning wake-up-calls in the form of a tiny, pink tongue that has no built in snooze-button.
But, we got into a routine with Lola, as parents always do, and settled comfortably into the rhythm of our new life.
And then our threesome became a foursome.
Nope, still not talking about the baby.
Last summer, in the first week of my pregnancy, we got a call from a rescue agency we had been working with.
They had the perfect dog for us. A small, friendly, non-allergic 3-month-old lhasa-poo (read: mutt).
How could we say no?
And so, Lola got a brother. Ziggy came home on a beautiful Friday afternoon in July and a new routine was born.
But, nothing could have prepared us for the arrival of our daughter.
Apparently, you can’t put a baby in a crate, cover the crate with a towel and leave the room to let her bark herself to sleep.
All of those times that I thought I felt tired,
you know, after a long night out,
or a late-night college cram session (oh, who am I kidding?),
I was WRONG. Oh, how wrong I was.
There is nothing like the sheer and utter exhaustion of new parenthood.
You know what is rough? Waking up a perfectly contended, sleeping baby,
a baby that took an hour to fall asleep,
so that you can give them a middle of the night feeding, which, in the beginning, is hard and painful and confusing.
But, you just do it.
You do whatever it takes to survive.
And so, when the baby cries when you put her down in her bassinet, you pick her up and try the carseat.
And then, you bring the carseat into the bed.
Whatever works, right?
And then, when it’s 4am and the baby has been roused from sleep to eat and is ready to be put back down, and then cries when being placed back into the carseat, you know, the carseat that is situated smack in the middle of the bed,
you let the baby sleep on the Boppy pillow….
on your chest.
Whatever works.
We found a miracle solution in the form of a Snuggle Nest,
a small cocoon that fits directly in the middle of the bed, so the baby can feel close and comforted and is easily accessible for a nursing mom.
The snuggle nest has been our salvation.
It plays “Lullaby and Goodnight”, it has a heartbeat sound effect, it lights up, and, most importantly, it allows the baby to sleep through the night.
But, did I mention, it’s IN OUR BED?
Yes, our baby sleeps in our bed.
We got the go ahead from the pediatrician,
and it has proven to be very effective,
but there is still a part of me that worries about the repercussions of having our baby in our bed.
I want her to feel secure and safe, and every part of “Snuggle Nest” screams “cozy”, but I want to start to foster some semblance of independence in our two and a half month old.
Mind you, she has an absolutely beautiful nursery. I painstakingly designed every aspect of her crib, down to the luxurious custom bedding. And to this day, the baby has been in her crib exactly twice.
Once was for a short nap when we first got the baby monitor,
kind of a test run.
And once was a photo opp of the baby and her big sister, Lola, snuggled up in the crib. (What? Together they’re less than 20 lbs, and it was just so stinkin’ cute).
Obviously, any kind of transition to her crib has been stunted.
But, I’ve been trying to think,
is it her, or is it me?
If I just let her go in her crib and get used to her own, special space, wouldn’t that ultimately be for the best?
But she doesn’t seem ready. I don’t seem ready.
I have been perseverating over this dilemma over the past few days, and happened to come across this note.
Now, it is written by Kourtney Kardashian, I recognize that.
A child-rearing expert, she is not.
However, she’s a new mom,
and on some level, aren’t we all in the same boat?
In reading her own sleep struggles, I realize that it is, in fact, all about survival on the S.S. Mommy.
And that even though these days, or, should I say these nights, our bed contains two adults, two dogs and one two-month-old,
it’s what works for us.
And even though there are some babies, and some mommies, who are perfectly OK with crib-sleeping from night one,
I may not be one of them.
She may not be one of them.
But, that doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong with either of us.
Someone gave me great advice today. She told me that it doesn’t have to be a hard and fast rule. Sometimes, if the baby seems content, she can sleep in her bassinet, or crib, or Nap Nanny, or swing, or even carseat. But, other times, when need be, she can sleep next to us in her Snuggle Nest.
There is something comforting to all of us about going to sleep with the same “Lullaby and Goodnight” song playing on repeat, lulling us all softly to sleep.
Together.
So, I’m working on it.
I’m figuring things out.
I’m enjoying having my first “dog-ter” snuggled up on one side of me, while my daughter is snuggled up on the other.
And really, what’s so wrong with that?
I know she won’t be in our bed forever.
And I know that if I try to crawl into her crib with her, I will break it.
The separation will come,
as it always does,
but for now, I’m just trying to keep us afloat,
in our little snuggly nest of a bed,
and if it means that all five of us get a good night’s sleep,
I’ll take that any day.
Or, should I say, any night.