do these ray bans come in bifocals?

This evening, as I was picking out my outfit for the big night out, I came across a black leather mini skirt that I hadn’t seen in years. To my surprise and delight, it fit perfectly, and I decided to go for it.
I felt like I was in college, again.
As I got in my car, in my leather jacket, leather skirt and leather boots, and drove, in the dark, on a weeknight, to go drink wine with friends, I felt a sense of abandon and eager anticipation.
I felt like I was in college, again.
As I turned on the car radio, I was so excited to hear the opening guitar chords of “American Girl”, an old staple from my dorm room days. When that ended, the station followed it with “Only the Good Die Young”, which reminded me of the summer after Freshman year, when I stayed at school and listened to The Stranger nonstop, as I’d drive around rural Pennsylvania on those quiet weekends in July.
I felt like I was in college, again.
When I got home and was washing up, I noticed that my extra coat of waterproof mascara would not budge from my eyes. I scrubbed and scrubbed, but couldn’t shake that “Walk of Shame” look, so I decided to go for my never-fail-remedy of good old Mario Badescu eye makeup remover that I kept, tucked away, in my linen closet, saved from one of my very first online shopping transactions, at the start Sophomore year. I’ll never forget my excitement, as I saw that precious, tiny cardboard box sitting outside my apartment door. I treasured that eye makeup remover, eye cream and apricot body lotion, so much so, that I still have half the bottles of each saved today. As I dipped the tip of my Q-tip, ever so gingerly, into the bottle of eye lotion, being careful to not waste a drop of this (probably long since expired) liquid gold,
you guessed it,
I felt like I was in college, again.
Except, this time, the mascara wasn’t budging. I rubbed and scrubbed and scraped and smoothed, yet the black circles that were congregating under my eyes remained black and circular and under my eyes. And that’s when I smelled it.
I had read the bottle wrong, due to my newly failing eyesight, and had been using my Super Rich Apricot Body Moisturizing Lotion to take off my mascara.
And then I felt old.
The end.

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