Aprils.

It seems that time is going by at warp speed. My baby had his half birthday. Things are flying.
And so I decided to take a look back.
On this date in April 2010 I had just become a mother six days prior. It was my third day home from the hospital. I was learning to nurse in the side lying position. My daughter was sleeping in her carseat, buckled up and with straps tightened, next to us in our bedroom (we had no idea what we were doing). I still looked pregnant, I was not yet adjusted to the change and yet I had found tremendous love in that little pink thing they called my daughter.
This is April 2011
This is April 2012
April 2013 was a rough time for me. I was suffering from debilitating morning sickness. I was on prescription medicine so that I would only get sick 10 times a day. I announced my pregnancy, as I was already showing. I swear, I started to show from the moment that the stick turned pink. Everyone told me I was having a boy. Every. Single. Person. Ever. Perhaps it was because I looked like, as someone said, a bowling ball with sticks coming out.
I was starting to deal with some anxiety and depression, but was very focused on teaching my class and loving on my daughter.
I remember a few specific things about April 2013. I remember having coconut cake for dessert¬† on my birthday (we invited our next door neighbors in to join us, who, at the time, were new friends, and have since become dear, close friends). I remember that my husband had the County declare the day in my name as a tribute. I remember sitting outside on the picnic benches with my class, eating mini cupcakes. I remember that one kid stole 3 of them. I remember that we had a small mosaics party for my daughter. I remember seeing Pippin on Broadway and finding it to be life changing. I also found myself completely out of control of my emotions during the opening song, “Magic to Do” and was laugh-crying as the actors on stage engaged me. It was out of body.
April 2014 has been a ride. My first baby turned four. And she has become such a person. My babysitter just texted me with all of the funny and irreverent things that my daughter said today while I was out. Among them was that she told her brother he as being boring like an old grandpa.
April has tightened my circle. It has given me special times with my dearest friends. Home cooked Shabbat dinners, crazy photobooth pictures, pitchers of sangria and dance parties.
April has brought great emotional changes. It has brought my husband and I closer. Closer than ever.
April has given me some insight, some perspective and some maturity.
April has given me some healing.
I look forward to what the next month brings (I bought a white dress to wear on our May anniversary),
but for now, I’m enjoying this month,
my favorite month,
and I am now realizing how far I’ve come;
not just from April 2010, but from the past few months. As I said, it’s still hard. But April has been brighter.
Thank you, April. Thank you with all of my heart.

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