I mentioned on Monday that this has been a really unusual time for my little family, filled with hills and valleys (I likened it to a mountain, before, but I will make it simple, tonight).
I wrote about how on Sunday we did things like Build Bears, eat popovers and lose our son in the mall for five minutes. I felt like a human again.
Well, let’s say that if Sunday was a hill day, yesterday was a valley.
But throughout the day today we climbed, each in our own way.
Since (how I mentioned previously) the other story is not my story to tell, I will tell you that while I woke up this morning not feeling great, I ended up feeling better and better as the day went on.
I danced with my son, all around his bedroom, to Ed Sheeran’s sick Grammy performance of “Thinking Out Loud” (featuring John Mayer, Herbie Hancock and Quest Love). We both felt so happy. I thought to myself, “Have I ever felt this happy before? Certainly I must have been happier than this little moment.” but I really was so filled with joy.
And then the best friend who made me an “aunt” texted to say that she was driving around, and asked if we would like company for an hour.
So I got to see my little niecey and watch my son try to hug and kiss her, too shy to ever actually make contact.
And there were some other snapshots of tiny, wonderful moments (tasting an amazing date, fresh from Israel)
and some crappy moments (listening to my daughter cry because the ziplock bag that holds her little plastic My Little Pony dolls broke).
I was glad to just be able to chill with my husband, tonight, with some TV or a podcast. First, I would be able to catch up on my Bravo and E! shows while he went rock climbing.
And then, and yes, I am purposely being vague here, he got home and we held hands, as a team, and he had to face a source of stress in his life, and I made my intention, ahead of time, to not let myself become enraged.
I am an extremely calm person. Extremely. You would think that because I am so emotional and dramatic I would be having outbursts left and right, but I have raised my voice maybe a handful of times in the past decade. I never yell.
But, tonight, I failed at meeting my intention. The rage crept up inside of me, as a mixture of protectiveness and disgust, and I tried to just breathe through it.
Another thing I am is a lazy person. I don’t say this disparagingly. I am not lazy-minded, nor am I a lazy mother, but in general, I would rather be relaxing than running.
But after we dealt with the stressful situation, and I sat there, rage coursing through me, my husband told me that he had just heard a really cool new band on the radio. Saint Motel.
And he was excited about it, so I sat on the couch, under my blanket, the E! channel frozen on my living room TV, as he plugged the song “My Type” into our stereo.
And all of a sudden, almost instantly, I started to shake my head. It was super catchy!
We both sat for a minute, moving to the beat of the song, and then I realized, I wanted to dance.
“Do you want to dance?” I asked my husband.
“Sure!” he said.
We could dance it out.
And so we had a crazy dance party in our living room
and all of a sudden my rage evaporated.
I actually danced it out.
I think that this vignette would make for a better scene in a movie than it does for a blog post, as this story is more of a scattered diary entry than a moving call to action or personal confession,
but I think that’s OK. I give myself permission to share with you the fact that I had two dance parties today,
with my two main men,
and that they made me happy.
And, as so many of you have said, just take life day by day, sometimes even hour by hour, so that is what I am doing. And this hour is an hour to dance party.
So that I shall do.
And, because it needs to be said, I am absolutely no longer Marnie; after this past week’s episode of Girls I am, 100%, no going back, Jessa. She rocked my world this week.
See? This is totally a quirky diary entry.
Today I made up a few games with the baby and he ate two poptarts, a cheese omelette and a kale smoothie for breakfast. I also got to see my niece in one of my very favorite shirts that once belonged to my daughter. I got to hear praise about my husband and echo it.
I listened to Ben Stiller on Howard Stern and I found about this new band called Saint Motel.
I had the best date ever. Oh, and by date I mean the pitted kind, from Israel. It was outrageous.
I got angry, but then I danced it out.
XOXO Love Always,