Why am I so scared?

Dear friend, I hope this finds you well. Or, you know, as well as possible during this time. I hope you are finding yourself with as much health, both physical and mental, as one can muster. This time is (well, I don’t want to be trite, and refer to this time as “unprecedented” so I will, instead, use ...

Dear Kenny

Dear Kenny, As I leave the hospital, the place where both of our babies were born, and handed to us, and first fed by me, and diapered by you, I hit a sea of blue scrubs, all in different shades and tones. When I first pulled up this morning, for an early test, I thought that it would be like living out ...

“I need to access your heart.”

"Does that stethoscope really work?" he asked, his blue, marble-like eyes widening. "Of course! I am a real doctor," I said, straightening the lab coat I had gotten made for his Halloween birthday party. I'd had it embroidered with "Meredith Grey M.D. F.A.C.S." to wear along with my scrubs, messy bun, Grey + Sloan Memorial Hospital ID badge, and converse ...

Not enough

The photo above was taken last month at Ludlow House, on the Lower East Side, for my sister's pub day party. It shows a little bit of sparkle. And makeup. And the cool updo. And glitter. Gotta get my glitter back.  *** I couldn’t have scripted this any better. This morning, I woke up and I lingered in ...

déjà vu

(Editor's Note: This post was originally composed on Monday, December 19. Writing had to be postponed* which accounts for any confusion as I refer to "today" as "Monday" when it is, now, Tuesday. Many thanks!) Today, I had a massive case of déjà vu, and not necessarily for the best reasons. I am really fascinated by the concept of ...

Five Things Podcast

Hello! Hi! I've missed you! As you can see from the photos above, I have been busy. SOOO BIZZY. You know, with things like re-doing my bathroom, getting makeovers at my daughter's new salon, taking & printing photos at the dinner table with my girlfriends and dancing at Kellerman's. DIRTY dancing. In all seriousness, the collage above shows ...

Guilt.

I have to admit something to you. I have tremendous guilt; I would describe this feeling of guilt a a combination of pressure that I put on myself and a feeling of failure. I have a lot going on in my personal life. I am helping to build a most awesome community. I am trying desperately to find ...

The truth is,

as I said yesterday, the days are still hard. I go to sleep very early every night in order to try to feel rested and to give my brain time to heal. But I dread it. I dread going to sleep because then it will be tomorrow, and tomorrow means my husband leaves and tomorrow means I'm ...