You know, I don’t consider myself an expert on many things
(besides, you know, Sex and the City and Dirty Dancing, and Disney Princesses.)
and therefore don’t write many “How To” guides.
However, this one, I’ve got in the bag.
How to Install a Convertible Carseat:
Step 1: Buy a cute carseat once your baby has grown out of her infant seat. (I mean, it may be called a Snugride, but once you’re unable to buckle the straps over her faux fur coat, you know you need to upgrade.)
Step 2: Wait, patiently for the new, cute carseat you’ve ordered to arrive on your doorstep.
Step 3: Race to the door once you hear the thud from the delivery man and tear open the giant, cardboard box with glee.
Step 4: Pout once you realize that the big brown box was actually your diaper order.
Step 5: Repeat Step 3.
Step 6: Jump up and down when the adorable new convertible seat does arrive, and get ready to begin installation.
Step 7: Tell husband that it is time to install the new carseat. Send him outside, during the blizzard, to do so.
Step 8: Wait 6 minutes before tapping on the front door to signal your husband and once you get his attention, tap your watch and shrug your shoulders, as if to say “Are you DONE yet?!”
Step 9: Go into the kitchen to refuel with some graham crackers.
Step 10: Peak out the dining room window to gauge the progress.
Step 11: Repeat Steps 8-10.
Step 12: Ask Questions. Suggestions include: “What’s taking so long?” and “Is this more difficult than the other carseat or something?”
Step 13: Repeat Step 9.
Step 14: ( And this is very important) Remember to brush the graham cracker crumbs off of your face and clothes before your husband comes back inside to tell you that he’s finished the installation, and that he continues to be the handiest Jewish man in the world. You must hide the evidence, as you’ve told your husband that you were busy working on “very important matters” inside and therefore were unable to help him in the car. Husbands don’t think that graham crackers are “very important matters”.
Step 15: Dress baby as a Disney Princess and take her for a joyride in her adorable, huge, safe new seat, while singing “I’ve Had the Time of my Life” and sipping on Mocktail Cosmopolitans.
Step 16: Just kidding
Step 17: But only about the Mocktails.