One year ago,
I peed on one little stick,
and two little lines appeared.
I was pregnant.
One year ago, my husband and I packed for the shore.
I tucked a box of E.P.T.s in with my u.n.d.i.e.s, because I hadn’t been feeling quite right.
I had been having dizzy spells,
and extreme fatigue,
and there were two very specific parts of my body that were very, uncharacteristically sore.
Plus, that week, I had seen a few feathers.
And by a few, I mean dozens.
And, when my sister and I had met that week, and cuddled up in a dark movie theater for a day-time showing of “Julie & Julia”, she just so happened to have rubbed my belly and gasped.
But, she recoiled, and zipped her lips.
It was then, she later told me, that she knew I was pregnant. She said that when she felt my stomach that day, she felt
In any case, we went down the shore, to my family’s beach house,
and I decided to casually take a pregnancy test.
Except, it wasn’t casual, at all.
I was a wreck.
Shocking, I know.
I felt like that month, every star had aligned.
I felt like that month was the month.
Did I mention that when my mom became pregnant with me,
her first child,
the first day of her last cycle (sorry, TMI, but really, you have to hear this) was
Did I also mention that the first day of my last cycle,
on this day,
(you guessed it!)
Something was just meant to be.
I can remember, so vividly, waking up before sunrise,
and creeping into the bathroom to,
(why is there no delicate, literary, beautiful way to say this?)
pee on le stick.
not so quietly,
scurried back into the bedroom,
hopped on my husband,
and begged him to wake up,
to get out of bed,
and to check the test for me.
I could not bear to look.
I think that the next 90 seconds were some of the longest 90 seconds in my memory.
I sat, perched at the edge of the bed,
as he waited in the bathroom
for a line,
With every rustle,
my heart stopped.
I knew that I would know the answer by the way he walked back into the room.
And so, can you imagine how I felt when he walked in,
“How long is it supposed to be before the test is ready?”
I was deflated.
“So, I guess that means there was just one line.”
I could barely get the words out.
He walked back into the bathroom.
“Wait,” he called out. “There is a second line. It’s very faint, but it’s there.”
I sprang out of bed and ran towards him,
towards that little, white stick….
Stay tuned for part 2,
where one faint line causes one big meldtown.
One year ago,