Today, I cried
while slow dancing with my little girl.
We were listening to a very special CD, For Our Children,
and as we swayed back and forth to Carole King singing “Child of Mine”, I began to cry.
You see, I am getting a bit wistful,
a tad sentimental,
about this whole “My newborn baby is actually now one-whole-year-old and I’m not a real-adult-grown-up” thang.
And, this CD, this song, is very meaningful to me.
You see, my mom and I used to listen to the original 1991 version of this album every single day.
I so vividly remember the one summer when these songs were the soundtrack of our daily drive to my day camp.
I never wanted to get out of the car.
I never wanted to leave her.
I never wanted the songs to end.
Surprise surprise.
We would listen to the crazy, amazing nursery rhymes and children’s songs, but my eternal favorite was always “Child of Mine”. It moved me, even then. Even before I knew why or how. It moved me. It was my song with my mom.
And it still is.
Except now it’s also my daughter’s song with my mom, as they dance to it each morning together, as my mom watches my baby girl while I am teaching.
And now, it’s my child’s and mine.
So, we danced, as she held my thumb in her closed palm, and she smiled with her gap-toothed smile, and I wept.
I wept for my childhood
and I wept for my child.
And then, before I knew it, life went on.
The song changed.
I did not want our dance to stop.
I did not want to get out of the car.
I did not want my baby girl to be growing up so darn fast.
But, she had already moved on. She had already started bopping her head and waving her arms and kicking her legs to Bruce Springsteen singing about “Chicken hips and lizard lips” and I had to move on with her.
She was leading our dance, and it was my turn to follow.
It was my turn to stop worrying,
to stop weeping,
and to enjoy the moment,
before it too would pass.
So thank you, sweet girl, for, once again, stopping my tears with your smiles.
and, I mean it,
oh how I mean it,
when I say,
“oh yes, sweet darlin’,
so glad you are a child of mine.”
April 28, 2011
I feel like I struggle with this every day! Guess this is just our fate as mothers now…