Mommy, Ever After is a blog that began under the umbrella of “mommy blog” and has evolved a bit into the world of popular culture and mental health, but really, it’s mostly about being a parent and a person.

That said, this site is definitely not appropriate for children. I share some very personal details about mental illnesses and disorders that are very adult subjects.

And today, I wanted to write about sex. But, I hesitated. I was anxious about it. Would it be inappropriate? And I realized that what I am writing about is not anything explicit, nor is it even sexual. It’s more about being a human being, which is something that I write about often. One of my favorite parts of this site is the response that I am so fortunate to get from my readers to my writing; I hear, over and over again, “I can so relate to you”, so I figured I would broach this subject and see how it goes.

This all got started when I was talking to a single friend about a fun, recent date. I got to hear all about the conversations and the activities and some of the details. I am often regaled with these tales of chemistry (or lackthereof), excitement (or lackthereof), and sex (or…lackthereof).

And I realized something very interesting; If I were to respond to these emails in kind, sharing my own details and stories about sex, it would be weird. Or so I thought.

And so I asked this friend and it was confirmed. My friend agreed. It would be weird.

So I figured out how it works, and it is pretty interesting.

Here is what seems to be the formula

(and let me say that my incredibly sophisticated scientific research applies to my friends and the people I know who are generally open and trustworthy):

1. If you are single and you are talking to a single friend, you can talk about sex. Sometimes in great detail.

2. If you are single and you are talking to a married friend about sex, you can pretty much do the same. There is some slight deviation here if the friendship involves parties of the opposite sex*, one being married, the other single, but in general, this rule applies. (See. I am so scientific! I want to make a Power Point next!)

3. If you are married and talking to a single friend (particularly of the same sex) you do not talk about sex. At least not in the same way.  You don’t tell them stories or talk specifics, typically. You talk more generally, as in “It is important to feel sexually attracted to someone whom you are thinking about marrying.” Or, at most, “I am lucky that I still have a great sex life.” With someone of the opposite sex, it is completely situational.

4. If you are married and talking to a married member (of the same sex), you talk about sex exactly like the single person talks to the other single person about sex, but perhaps even more than you normally would. At least from my experience. You share details, you ask questions, you give tips, you give thumbs up and high fives.

5. If you are married and you are talking to a married member of the opposite sex, it’s a toss up. It totally depends on the relationship, and I don’t think that there is a hard and fast rule (no pun intended). I can only base things on my own experience within my own group of friends, but I know that there are certain male friends, husbands of my female friends, with whom I feel just as comfortable as my girls. I can talk about anything and everything with them, make dirty jokes and say things dripping with innuendo. You should hear some of the conversations we get into over our beloved Shabbat dinners.

However, (and this is something that I have learned) I would say, as a general rule, if you go to a party and are introduced to a couple, you should probably not go over to the corner with the husband and discuss anything sexual unless you are making conversation about a major event in the news or in popular culture, which would give it total relevance.

So, I just laid it all out there (no pun intended, again), and I wonder…why is it like this?

I have asked my husband about this before, in fact; how he talks to his best friend on his drive into work every morning and gets to hear the most colorful tales. “Did you tell him about us?” I will ask. 99% of the time the answer is “No”. That 1% is when there is an opportunity for him to throw in a joke (that isn’t really a joke) related to what they have been talking about.

And then I got to thinking about marriage. And friendship. When we get married, we are not suddenly bubble people. We are the exact same people we were before we exchanged vows, but just committed to another person for life. So what happens that makes our single friends shun us when it comes to their desire to hear about our sex lives?

When I was dating my husband, I am sure I shared stories with my girlfriends, or asked questions, and that was fine. But nope, oh no, once the ring was on his finger, the idea of talking about my husband became repellent, like talking about one’s parents.

(By the way, my parents and grandparents read this blog, so Mom, Dad, Mommom and Poppop: this does NOT give you the freedom to talk about sex with me. That is never going to be OK.)

So I am curious, single peeps, married peeps, people who have been both single and then married, or married and then single: Talk to me. Talk to me about sex.

Because I write this blog to make peoples’ lives better, and I think that answering these questions will help relationships, whether they are friendships, romantic relationships or even interactions with acquaintances.

So here is where you come in (I am not even going to say it): Tell me what you think about what I have just written. If I was brave enough to just write about sex to thousands of people, you can share your opinions with me. You can do so by commenting under the Facebook post with this link on my personal page, or the Mommy, Ever After Facebook page, you can send me a private message on Facebook or at Rebecca@mommyeverafter.com, or you can start your own dialogue, and share with me what you come up with. I can’t wait to find out.

*I am aware of and completely acknowledge the difference between sex and gender, however, for the purposes of this post, I went with the commonly accepted expression that “Sex” means either “Male” or “Female”; This in no way reflects my own personal beliefs on the issue of gender identity or equality.