I am a new mother.
I may work with kids, all day, every day, but to mommyhood, I am a total newbie.
And I totally think I’m in the realm of calm.
…Most of the time
Like when my baby hiccups out of the blue…and just for a second I think she’s having some kind of spasm disorder.
That’s just because I’m a new mom. Totally normal.
This is just because I’m being extra cautious for my innocent, precious, vulnerable baby.
It may have started before she was even born. There may have been frantic calls to a certain very popular tea manufacturer after I drank half a bottle of iced tea that was 2 years past it’s expiration date.  Those frantic calls may have turned into another frantic call to my OB on his emergency weekend line.
But, again, totally normal new mom territory.

So, when my daughter’s poop started to look a little funky when she was 7 weeks old, of course I wanted to check it out. So I took her to the doctor. Twice.
And called the doctor.
Twice
(if you multiply twice times four).
And I may have examined every single diaper like a forensic investigator at a crime scene.  Which, of course, involved a smell test.
If someone had told me several months ago that I would willingly stick my nose into a poopy diaper I would have thought they were freakin nuts.
But, hey, new mommyhood.
So, after a particularly offensive poop, I did just that. Stuck my nose into her diaper. I stuck my nose a little too far. Poop on the face! Red alert. Or should I say, Green alert.
I told you, funky poop, ok?
So, what did I do?
I Purelled my entire face, duh.
Twice
(if you multiply twice times four).