Do you know the expression “pour your heart out”?
Well, that is what I wish I could do, but not just in the idom-way that implies the sharing of your deepest secrets and fears; I also am someone who tries not to say the word “literally” when I don’t actually mean something literally (eg. I don’t actually wish to take the organ that pumps blood through my body and somehow pour it out); But, what I wish I could do, right now, is to take the feeling that is coursing through my being right now and pour it out onto this page for you to see and feel and experience, as I am completely and totally overwhelmed and I want you to see it in a way better than I can possibly put it into words.
Let me back up. A week ago, I wrote a a post about sex. I was scared to hit “publish”, but ultimately glad that I had, as I got tremendous feedback (not just in volume but in content). Last night I was set to publish the follow up post about sex, with the answers that I had been given during the week, and, somehow, that evolved, as I was writing, into the creation of a Mommy, Ever After Community. You want to understand that last line better? Click on the link above.
So, as I was writing this post, it occurred to me that I have established this incredible community for myself, as I get to interact with readers every day and share intimate secrets and advice and ideas; yet, my readers were not benefiting from this from one another. So, I decided to start a community; a completely secret and safe space; a vault in which we can all share our deepest secrets, funny stories, fears, findings, and anything else that you can think of but feel like there is no other place to do so.
I published the post, created the secret group (have I mentioned that it is secret? VAULT. Invite only. So if you want an invite, email me email@example.com) and hit post and then had a friend come by to give me a hug, which turned into a 3 hour conversation on my bed. This woman is, as I described to her this morning, an old friend who I happened to have just met. Our husbands are involved in a Tuesday night activity together, so this week we decided to get together ourselves.
So I broke out the good stuff. You know how some parents keep some things (oh, I don’t know, crystal glasses, wine, etc.) for when the kids go to bed in order to keep the items (and kids) safe? Well that is what I do with my faux fur blanket and pillows. I broke that stuff out, and we talked and talked and talked and talked and held hands and hugged many times.
And when she left and I opened up my computer and checked my phone I was stunned.
This community, this idea that I was so scared to mention, had exploded in the 3 hours since it’s inception.
There is now a place where many, many women are now connecting on every single kind of level that you can connect with another human (while over the internet). While I was gone, the people who had been sending me private messages for months (years) INTRODUCED THEMSELVES to the entire group. Do you understand the bravery that takes? Of course you do. Because no one ever does it. But, slowly, this happened, and now…now magic has happened. And it is happening (I type this and see, in another tab on my browser, that I have 17 new post notifications to read once I hit “Publish”).
And I can’t write any more without crying, but it is awesome. Beyond words. It is just awesome. And I could not mean that more literally.
Do you know what is decidedly less awesome?
How I just took 5 minutes to respond to the incredible, moving, brilliant posts that have been written on the page in just the last hour alone,
during which time my son used one of his favorite toys (the TOYlet) as a water play table;
…a toilet that, and I am not naming names here, someone peed in and forgot, while rushing out the door, to flush (someone who also just so happens to be someone who does not use toilet paper when peeing, like perhaps someone who stands to pee).
But it doesn’t matter. Because my life just got better and it is because of you. And I can’t find the words the express the gratitude. This community has become one of the best things I have ever done and I only hopes it helps others as much as it has already helped me.
So, for right this moment, just this moment, ” Nobody, no, nobody, is ever gonna rain on my parade.”…
…not even my urine covered son.